Learning

Three years ago, God delivered me from a severe body image disorder and eating disorder. It was through His miraculous healing that I began living for the first time in over six years. It was one of the greatest feelings in the world. I finally had peace and a smile once again covered my face.

Over the course of my senior year, not only did I see my body change into a healthy, fit young woman, but my heart changed. People that had known me forever said I had a peace about me. I glowed from the inside out. Wow. I couldn't be more thankful.

I have had my share of ups and downs though since my dramatic transformation. I have had moments of not loving myself or the way my body was designed and have had to sit myself down, and tell myself over and over, that God made me and I am beautiful, no matter what.

Recently, the struggles have been more frequent. When this happens, I get worried. It is also a good reminder that I still need God all the time. Even post healing. I am not going to succeed all the time. I am weak without Him and the devil wants to see me fail and he will do whatever he can to see to that. But with God's help and strength, I am victorious. This is my wakeup call ... I need my Lord and Savior. I can't do this alone.

I'm a Certified Personal Trainer!

Well, I thought I'd update this blog since I haven't in awhile. For the past few weeks I was moving out of my apartment into a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment, studying for the Cooper Institute Personal Training exam and living without the Internet. Haha!
This past Tuesday morning, I sat for the exam and after two and a half hours, I passed! The test was designed to where after you are finished you can immediately know what you made on the test. As I clicked on the button to find out my test score, my heart rate soared. It felt like it was about to burst out of my chest. I was so nervous. Taking deep breaths, I kept telling myself I would pass. No worries.
Then my score popped up on the screen. I passed! Whew. It felt so good to have that behind me and know that all that studying paid off. I was now officially a Cooper Institute certified personal trainer. Whoop!
After taking the time to just relax and not think for the day, I emailed the fitness director at the San Antonio Country Club to update him on my status. Still haven't heard from him yet, but I have hope that it will work out. I also applied for an educator position at Lululemon Athletic Gear in The Quarry to have some income. I've been searching athletic clubs in the San Antonio area for other options if the country club does not work.
Just today it hit me again how much I dread looking for work. It's like a full time job looking for a full time job. It's annoying. It's exhausting. It can be depressing. But I will persevere. I will succeed. God has a plan for me, a good plan. I just have to learn to trust Him and let Him work.
Thanks to all who have supported me in this endeavor and have been there for me when I needed it the most. God bless you all!

My Mom

I have an absolutely stunning mother. Not only is her heart beautiful but she is physically beautiful. From the time I can remember she has been working out regularly and making sure she not only feeds her body with nutritious foods but also her family. When I was little, as in elementary school through middle school, my lunches consisted of a healthy sandwich, fruit or veggies and sometimes maybe, just maybe a treat. I never had chips, pizza, or fried foods. Little did I know how she packed our lunches and the example she set for me and my brothers, would trickle down into my own life.
My mom is rarely negative or pessimistic. She is always smiling and looks on the bright side of things. If she is in a bad mood, you will know it and you want to stay clear of her. But that rarely happens. She is a very hard worker and amazing caretaker. She raised four kids, three of them being boys and never seemed to lose herself in the mix. My dad was out of town a lot when we were little, leaving my mom to care for us alone. I never heard her complain nor saw her frown, sigh or scream at us. She was a lot of fun too. We would go to the park fishing for crawdads, go swimming at the Landa Park Pool, go for bike rides, and go get kiddy cones at Dairy Queen.
My mom expected a lot of us kids though too. Or should I say, my parents did. We had chores to complete every weekend. Our allowance went from one dollar, down to two quarters down to nothing. It was just expected that if you are a part of this family you have to work too. Yeah we complained and we griped about Saturday morning chores, but it taught us how to pull our own weight in the family and to work hard. Homework was always completed before being allowed to go play after school. We were encouraged to always give 110% in academics and our extracurricular activities.
As I grew older my mom became more of a best friend to me than my mother. She was the one I would call when my heart had been broken, or school was just getting way too tough (or so I thought), or my job was driving me up a wall, or I was having friend issues. Mom was always there to be a listening ear. That's one of her gifts among many, she is an excellent listener. She will sit with you or walk with you for hours and let you just talk. Sometimes that's all I needed to feel better. Knowing that she was taking the time to listen to me meant a lot.
We still go shopping like we did when I was living at home, and we still have lots of fun doing it, if not more. We can laugh together and vent on our struggles, and now we can drink together! Haha! Our styles are similar which makes shopping all the more fun and dangerous!
I have a pretty cool mom. I am blessed to have a mother so beautiful and so healthy and lovely. I love my mom!

Woman to Woman

There is a bond between two women that is unexplainable and irreplaceable. When another woman "gets you" it is freeing and refreshing. Every woman needs another woman as a confidant. Someone she can go to when she needs to talk about her insecurities, her loves, her fears, her heartaches, her latest shopping spree, and her "lovely time of month".
Today I had the pleasure of joining one of my dearest girlfriends for lunch. It was a last minute date, but I knew from the hastiness of her request that it was important. Little did I know, that I too, needed that lunch date. As we gabbed and vented over a Mandarin Orange Spinach Salad with Chicken, we bared our hearts and souls to each other on our current relationships, jobs, stresses, family, God and friends. Oh, and of course there was a mention of shopping and clothes.
As I sat there listening to her, I felt like I was listening to myself. Everything she said I was experiencing or had experienced. Come to find out, she said she felt the same way once I told my story.
During that time, I couldn't help but think, "Wow. This is so nice to have another girlfriend to talk to, who won't judge me or think I'm crazy or ridiculous. Someone who understands how I feel." Another thought crossed my mind, "God, thank you. Thank you for putting her in my life. Thank you for another new girlfriend. You know I need a couple of solid girlfriends and you have blessed me with one right here in San Antonio, TX. Thank you."
As a woman our relationships are vital to our existence. We must do all we can to maintain and nourish those relationships, especially woman to woman.

You are beautiful

There is a woman like no other
Her smile radiates and shines through any dreary day
Her laughter lights up a room

The way she walks and holds herself,
People can't help but watch and gaze

Her hair is long and flowing
Her eyes sparkle with joy
Her voice is soft and assuring

Some people may be jealous of her
Because she possesses a beauty like no other

They're not jealous of her success
They're not jealous of her inviable figure
They're not jealous of her attire

They can't quite put a finger on it
But know that she has something that they want


Little do they know, that every woman in this world can have it
It's a gift that God wants to give,
If only one would accept it

This woman has been touched by God
She lives for Him
Her deepest question is answered by her King

You are beautiful

God Made YOU!

Did you ever think how God made each person in this world unique, an individual? There is not one other person in this world that has your exact genetic makeup, your personality, or your likes and dislikes. Isn't that amazing? So out of over 8 billion people in this world, at this moment, there is not one other person exactly like YOU! Wow.
Then why is it we all try to look like somebody else? Why is it as women we don't feel pretty enough or young enough ever? Why is it we want to alter the bodies we were given, the parts of the body that can not be physically altered unless there is a plastic reconstruction.
God made YOU! He made you beautiful the way you are. Your body was hand designed and God-breathed. One of the most peaceful feelings is accepting who you are, flaws and all. However, God does not see flaws. He sees beauty. He sees a wonderful creation He made.
Love your body. Take care of it. Nourish it with proper nutrition and exercise. Take care of your spiritual, mental, emotional and physical healtha and you can live a fulfilling life.
God made Y-O-U!

Moments of Fear and Doubt

Yesterday I had a moment where I just felt panicked and didn't know what to do. Thoughts flooded in that told me what I was about to embark on was ridiculous, that I wasn't qualified, that I wouldn't make enough money to support myself, and more and more. I kept thinking those thoughts were thoughts to bring me down and to keep me from doing what I believe the Lord wants me to do and has laid on my heart to do.
Then I remembered, God doesn't ask for the person with it "all together" or the most popular candidate to do His work. Think back in the Bible when He had Moses go to Pharoah to tell him to "let my people go." Did you know Moses had a speech impediment? Yes! The same Moses that stood in front of Pharoah and performed God's miracles and led the Israelites out of Eygpt. God used a man that to most seemed the most unqualifed contender, the most inept leader and gave him the tools and strength to do His will. How awesome is that! I might not be Moses and I probably will not lead a population out of bondage, but God has a job for me to do. I am here on this earth to do His will and to give God the glory. Now, I too, my small self, let go of my fear and my moments of doubt and let God shine.